tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63339045416353674792023-11-15T06:25:08.250-08:00The Man BlogGuaranteed to be tastefully tasteless...The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-57683225186479812972007-07-08T08:48:00.000-07:002007-07-08T08:51:11.447-07:00-The Dude- Writes Elsewhere!!!<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Sorry for the inconvenience but this site will not be updated again.<br /><br />I am far too busy with my 2 new projects...<br /><br />If you liked The Man Blog you can still catch -The Dude- being his normal humorous self at</span><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" ><a href="http://thedailyfuzz.com">http://thedailyfuzz.com</a></span><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></div><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />Please check in, as this site is sure to be just as fun, if not more so than The Man Blog</span><br /></span><script src="%22http://feeds.feedburner.com/%7Es/blogspot/yZhl?i=%22%20+%20data:post.url" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com78tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-33105360314572859062007-07-03T10:25:00.000-07:002007-07-03T10:26:16.965-07:00Poetry from --The Dude--<span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">WOMAN'S POEM<br /><br />Before I lay me down to sleep,<br />I pray for a man, who's not a creep,<br />One who's handsome, smart and strong.<br />One who loves to listen long,<br />One who thinks before he speaks,<br />One who'll call, not wait for weeks.<br />I pray he's gainfully employed,<br />When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.<br />Pulls out my chair and opens my door,<br />Massages my back and begs to do more.<br />Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,<br />Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"<br />I pray that this man will love me to no end,<br />And always be my very best friend.<br /><br />MAN'S POEM<br />I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor<br />store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.</span><script src="%22http://feeds.feedburner.com/%7Es/blogspot/yZhl?i=%22%20+%20data:post.url" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-65353153488777544492007-06-30T21:09:00.000-07:002007-06-30T21:28:07.884-07:00Because I'm A ManBecause I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 110px; height: 110px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/22186759.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.<br /><br />Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 78px; height: 118px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/22851150.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 120px; height: 91px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/Whatthehell.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.<br /><br />Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).<br /><br />Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?<br /><br />Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or baseball, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 66px; height: 100px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/23438217.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Because I'm a man, I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like, what's the connection?<br /><br />Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.<br /><br />Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.<br /><br />Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?<br /><br />Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 21st century, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.<br /><br />THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FOR WOMEN, TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE MALE ANIMAL.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">The Man Blog says... Let this company pay you for placing links on your site</a><br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><script src="%22http://feeds.feedburner.com/%7Es/blogspot/yZhl?i=%22%20+%20data:post.url" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-21758042893832645442007-06-29T03:06:00.000-07:002007-06-29T11:54:14.140-07:00If Only He Could Have Got Away With ThisA man recently decided to be brilliant. Not unlike some of the greatest financial minds of all times, Warren Buffet, Donald Trump, Robert Kiyosaki, and The Dude, this guy decides it is time to take control of his spending.<br /><br />Chandon L. Simms, 23 decided that $984 was waaaaaaay too much to pay for a plasma tv at his local Walmart. So instead, he got brilliant. He switched the tag from another product and proceeded to the self-checkout aisle. After paying $4.84 for the tv, he was stopped at the door by Walmart Loss Prevention a.k.a. "top flight security uh da world craig (send me a comment if you know where that movie quote came from, props if you get it).<br /><br />After being stopped, the man shows them a receipt for $4.88 and is quickly arrested for felony theft.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 122px; height: 164px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/103104_06.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div>After being arrested, Simms, was given a brutal cavity search to see if he managed to steal that HD-DVD player he's been wanting. Top flight security found nothing and Simms was quickly beheaded and then disposed of in the toy aisle.<br /><br />Read the article <a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2007/06/28/national/a141024D56.DTL">HERE</a><br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br /><a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">The Dude Recommends this free service for making some cash blogging</a>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-51267013410580330702007-06-28T02:26:00.001-07:002007-06-28T02:37:54.017-07:00Readers... Help Out!!!The Man Blog has entered a contest at <a href="http://blogcompetition.info/">blog competition</a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">For all you loyal readers out there, stop by and give The Man Blog a vote or 23. You can vote for The Man Blog by clicking this button...<br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <a href="http://blogcompetition.info/2007/06/27/baseballandbeerblogspotcom/" title="Comment and Vote" target="_blank"><img src="http://blogcompetition.info/contest.jpg" title="Comment My Blog To Wealth" alt="Comment My Blog To Wealth" border="0" height="23" hspace="1" vspace="1" width="120" /></a><br /></div>You vote by leaving a comment at the bottom of the page, the more comments, the more votes... Vote away!<br /></div><br />So make sure and show your support for all things man by voting for The Dude, and The Man Blog. Thanks for your support!<br /><br />--The Dude--The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-23098152584206259202007-06-27T04:01:00.000-07:002007-06-27T04:36:38.196-07:00Man-ventions<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 179px; height: 179px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/boop_naughty_shampoo_dispenser_3.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />This one is definitely a man-vention. These little beauties hang on the wall in your shower. Fill them up with a little shampoo, conditioner, or your favorite brew and give them a little squeeze.<br />If only girlfriends were this giving! I know I would be a lot happier with that morning shower having these puppies...<br /><br />Please don't use this Man-vention with <a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/men-ventions.html">THIS</a><a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/men-ventions.html">...</a> You may die!<br /><br />You can purchase these <a href="http://www.boysstuff.co.uk/product.asp?id=12628">HERE</a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 155px; height: 155px;" src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/Shower_left_500_22135.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br /><a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">The Dude says... Let these guys find advertisers for your site! A++</a><br /><br />Don't forget to drop in and say hello. The Man Blog appreciates your comments... positive or negative!!!The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-35196958689336780962007-06-25T23:29:00.000-07:002007-06-26T01:12:28.607-07:00Reader Mail with The DudeAlright, so I opened the floodgates. I asked people for questions, and man have they delivered. I figure it is time to answer a few questions I received via email. And if you have a question for The Man Blog or The Dude you can send it to themanblog@hotmail.com<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dude, how awesome are you?</span><br />Pretty freaking awesome. On a scale of 1 to 1,124,304 I'm... I'm.... somewhere in between those numbers *scratches head in confusion*. No matter how hard I try though, I'll never be as awesome as <a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/we-salute-you-henry-earl.html">THIS GUY</a>. His offspring will be pretty awesome too, you can find him <a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/woman-ties-record-for-highest-blood.html">HERE</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dude, what made you create "The Man Blog"?</span><br />Well one day I was taking a shower, out of my anus comes this noise that sounded kind of like the T-Rex scene in Jurassic Park. It was so loud and forceful that it actually broke my bathroom mirror and cracked every pipe in our plumbing system. After cursing myself for the destruction, I laughed... and then did it again. So <a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/how-men-women-shower.html">farting in the shower</a>, it seems, would be something only a man would find humorous. So it became my goal to find other things that you would only catch a man doing, or just things that men would think are funny.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/farting.gif" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Do you think you offend female readers?</span><br />Of course! But the ones with a good sense of humor keep coming back for more. My bleeder readers are a little sadistic.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Why do you call females bleeders?</span><br />Did you fail 6th grade?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What would you do if you were hit on by a gay man?</span><br />I would do the same thing that I would do if a bleeder would hit on me (minus the crazy sex at the Best Western), I would allow them to buy me drinks all night, and then leave with their sister.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What is your drink of choice?</span><br />Straight gasoline... But with gas prices the way they are now, I prefer a scotch, or whiskey on the rocks. I also like to indulge in a good martini. I recommend that all you buy me a drink by hitting the "Buy The Dude a drink" button located to your right.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Are you married?</span><br />I'm not married. I do have a live-in girlfriend that hates me though! Well hate is a strong word... How about despises me with intent to injure? Alright, so she doesn't hate me (I might be telling the truth about the intent to injure part though).<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/girl-knife.gif" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a></span><br /></div><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Where do you find your conent?</span><br />90% of it comes straight from the mind of The Dude, another 5% off the internet, and the other 5% just showed up one day and won't leave. Make it leave!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What super power would you give yourself and why?</span><br />Well, The Dude already has super powers. My tears cure cancer, not unlike Chuck Norris's, it's just to bad that The Dude doesn't cry. I have also been recruited by this one gang because of my skills with the bo staff. Sometimes I punch babies too. This has no bearing on the question, nor does it provide you with an answer... but it does show how hardcore I am.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb46/the_dude25/chuck_norris_random_fact_generator_.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />That's it for now, keep the questions coming. I'll answer all of them that don't suck. And if I didn't answer your question... Try harder next time!<br /><br />Oh, and all of you that haven't. You should link to the Man Blog on your site or blog! Help spread the man-love (uhh?) yeah.<br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br />The Man Blog recommends...<br /><br />Have a PSP? Click here to download free movies, games, and more to play on your PSP.<br /><a href="http://manblog.pspblend.hop.clickbank.net/" target="_top">Click Here!</a>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-57396532894251617142007-06-24T00:57:00.000-07:002007-06-27T08:05:39.346-07:00The Perfect Day<a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">Sell Links To Your Blog! Sign up here for free --The Man Blog--</a><br /><br />-FOR A WOMAN-<br />8:15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses<br />8:30 - Weigh 5lbs less than yesterday<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/wl_woman_on_scale.gif" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div>8:45 - Breakfast in bed... fresh squeezed orange juice, and strawberries with a bagel<br />9:15 - Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil<br />10:00 - Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer<br />10:30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out<br />12:00 - Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe<br />12:45 - Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs<br />1:00 - Shopping with friends<br />3:00 - Nap<br />4:00 - A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer<br />4:15 - Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage<br />5:30 - Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror<br />7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/CandleLightDinner.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div>10:00 - Hot shower. Alone<br />10:30 - Make love<br />11:00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling<br />11:15 - Fall asleep in his big, strong arms<br /><br />-FOR A MAN-<br />6:00 - Alarm<br />6:15 - Blowjob<br />6:30 - Massive dump while reading the sports section<br />7:00 - Breakfast - fillet mignon, eggs, toast, and coffee<br />7:30 - Limo arrives<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/Chrysler300Limo.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div>7:45 - Vodka tonic on the way to the airport<br />8:15 - Private jet to Augusta, Georgia<br />9:30 - Limo to Augusta National Golf Club<br />9:45 - Play front 9 at Augusta, finish 2 under par<br />11:45 - 2 Dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens<br />12:15 - Blowjob<br />12:30 - Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par<br />2:15 - Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis<br />2:30 - Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap<br />3:15 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew<br />4:30 - Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs<br />5:00 - Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Scarlett Johannson<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/scarlett_johansson_02.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div>7:00 - Watch CNN Newsflash. Bush resigns<br />7:30 - Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York steak.<br />9:00 - Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar<br />10:00 - Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs<br />11:00 - Massage and Jacuzzi<br />11:45 - Go to bed<br />11:50 - Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room<br />11:55 - Laugh yourself to sleep<br /><br />Anything you would add to this list? Lemme know in comment form! Also, anyone that has linked to my site, lemme know so I can return the favor!<br /><br />--The Dude--The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-67767206311930295332007-06-22T21:01:00.001-07:002007-06-22T21:15:11.181-07:00Google Reinstates Adsense to The Man BlogAbout 24 hours after pulling adsense from The Man Blog, google decided that my site wasn't so offensive after-all. I think they were scared that The Dude would follow up on his threat of sending the offspring of Henry Earl to do his bidding. Anyways, adsense is back up... for now.The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-15189577357066895952007-06-22T15:57:00.001-07:002007-06-23T03:00:54.696-07:00Site Too Offensive... Google Pulls Adsense...Alright, so The Dude is thoroughly pissed off right now. I check my page late last night and notice that my google ads have been replaced with a public service announcement. I've got a public service announcement... put my damn ads back up or I'm going to send <a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/woman-ties-record-for-highest-blood.html">the offspring of Henry Earl</a> to do my bidding.<br /><br />So I check my email, and it says the ads have been pulled because my sight is too offensive for most advertisers to want to advertise on. Offensive to who exactly? About 40% of my readers are bleeders (umm I mean women, if google is watching). So if it isn't offensive to them, who is it offensive to? I'm guessing it's FEMALE RIGHTS ACTIVISTS (read : lesbian), and CANADIANS!<br />Canadians? I dunno, probably not.<br /><br />So I'm offered this. Clean up the site, and the ads can remain, otherwise I'll have to find outside advertising. Well guess what? I'm not cleaning up the site. I have a certain responsibility to the readers of The Man Blog to be tastefully tasteless, and that is how we shall remain. The Dude offers his word that this site will never be cleaned up due to lack of advertising. It just wouldn't be the same Man Blog as you have all grown to love.<br /><br />So I guess I'll seek other means of advertising.<br /><br />ADVERTISERS email me at cause_4concern@hotmail.com to discuss what we can do for each other.<br /><br />READERS in the mean time, click the "BUY THE DUDE A BEER" button and umm... buy me a beer! I've put the button up last night and I am proud to say that I have already been bought 6 beers.<br /><br />GOOGLE my site is too offensive huh? Well FUCK, SHIT, ASS, PISS, SEX, BLEEDER, THE POPE, and PARIS HILTON! Take that!<br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br />p.s. - Readers please chime in on this in the comment section. I could use some support, and or some ideas. Show your love for "The Man Blog" and "The Dude"<br /><br /><a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">Adsense sucks, use these links for sweet cash instead!</a>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-60769148537824569902007-06-22T01:48:00.000-07:002007-06-24T17:44:52.466-07:00Woman Ties Record For Highest Blood Alcohol Content Rating With a .50Rebecca G. Lingbloom, 45, has just tied the record for highest blood alcohol content in the state of Washington at a .50 (over 6 times the legal limit). In recognition of this stellar achievement The Man Blog feels that it is appropriate to devote this article to her. But, after reading this, The Dude (your fearless leader) has decided on a more interesting plan of attack. So I pose this question....<br /><br />What happens if we hook up Rebecca G. Lingbloom with our very own Man Blog superstar Henry Earl? If you aren't hip to the Henry Earl story <a href="http://baseballandbeer.blogspot.com/2007/06/we-salute-you-henry-earl.html">click here</a>.<br /><br />Using advanced technology only available here at The Man Blog laboratories, and under the watchful eye of The Dude, we were able to come up with exactly what Henry and Rebeccas offspring would look like.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/main_01.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Henry Earl<br />"The Drinkinest Nigga in Kentucky"<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 80px; height: 65px;" src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/plus_sign.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a></span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/leslie_stubblefield_meth_case_1.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Not Actual Photo of Ms. Lingbloom<br />(some meth-head I found on Google Images)<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 82px; height: 82px;" src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/003D.gif" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a></span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/boxoffice-littleman.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br />Adorable Henry Jr.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">If you would like to purchase a gift for their impending nuptials, Henry and Rebecca are registered at Leroy's Liquor and Waffles on 11th, The Quicktrip on Main St., and Burger King on Maple in Lexington Kentucky!<br /><br />The Dude is a born matchmaker!<br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br /><a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">Sell Links To Your Blog!</a><br /></div></div>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-14582990307755386952007-06-20T16:46:00.000-07:002007-06-21T04:00:25.086-07:00Conversation With A TelemarketerSo this seemingly sweet girl with a southern accent called the home phone today to try and get me to switch to a VOIP phone system.<br /><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: Well hello sir, this is Angie calling from Charter Communications to see if you have heard about our new VOIP phone service.</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: (already knowing the answer) What exactly is VOIP phone service?</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: Well sir, VOIP stands for voice over IP and....</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: What exactly is IP?<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/donotcall-717066.gif" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a></span></span><br /></div><span><br /></span><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: Well sir, IP stands for internet protocol</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: Whoa, whoa... what'd you call me?</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: I said internet protocol sir</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: I thought for sure that you were calling me fat and bald</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: No sir, I can assure you that I said internet protocol</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: Protocol huh? Well let me tell you something about protocol little lady... The last time that I followed protocol I got shot in an attempted robbery. I was a security guard for 25 years (I'm only 25 years old) at Cinnamons Massage Parlor</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: That's terrible... allow me to tell you more about...</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: It was terrible. My wife left me for a guy that had both of his legs, wasn't in a wheelchair, and still had a functioning penis.</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: My, my</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: And the worst part is after the divorce she left me with this half-retarded dog that does nothing but lick himself, and shit... and then eats his own shit... and then vomits and I have to clean up the mess of shit-vomit or is it vomit-shit?</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: Well sir, getting back to the phone service</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: Ahh the service. Those were the good days, I had just met my Anne Marie. She was as beatiful as a Thai sunrise after a long night of drinking cheap whiskey and getting serviced by underage Thai girls...</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);">TELEMARKETER</span>: CLICK</span><br /><span><span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204);">THE DUDE</span>: Hello? Hello?</span><br /><br /><br />I guess she had already met her quota for the month...<br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br />p.s.- Drop by the comment section and send me a hello, a good or a bad comment, or some advice for what to write about next... Don't forget, The Dude will also answer questions if you need advice on a subject. --The Man Blog--<br /><br /><a href="http://www.text-link-ads.com/?ref=90573">Did you know that companies will compete to buy links on your site? Click here... --The Dude--</a>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com122tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-81010646288137752642007-06-20T03:43:00.000-07:002007-06-21T04:19:31.995-07:00Reader Mail<div style="text-align: left;">This is a question that The Dude received from a reader. The Dude is a very knowledgeable blogger and decided that everyone could benefit from his advice...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 204, 204);">So, Dude, I wanted to ask your professional opinion about something. My sister has our 16 y/o (eek!) nephew staying over for the summer and WE ALL have noticed that he is constantly grabbing his junk bag when he's talking. I mean, I grew up around a lot of brothers and I don’t EVER remember any of them doing that!! It's a private joke between us girlies that he's suffering from "Itchy Ballyitis"...My question is, should anyone approach him about this? It's so not cool!! I told my sister to give him a pamphlet on male STD's from the local Planned Parenthood ['cause you never know] but she thinks that would be f-ed up. Opinion? I'm laughing again...its just SOOO unbecoming!!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 204, 204);">--Somegirl--</span><br /><br />Well Somegirl,<br />You being a bleeder and all, I wouldn't expect you to understand the age old tradition of checking the baggage. This is a rite that has been passed from father to son since way before biblical times.<br /><br />Now for some history. Itchacus Scratchacus was the first recorded ball massager. He was known for constantly having his hand down his pants. Someone finally suggested to Itchacus that his wife Ho-Rae-Me had been sleeping around on him with his cousin Longschlong. So it appears that this scenario of itchy ballytis (good diagnosis by the way) was caused by infidelity, and therefore will be linked to VD.<br /><br />However, not all cases are the same as Itchacus's. Jock itch could be a possible cause. Try some medicated powder. For laughs, make him buy it at the first Walgreens that has a hot girl around his age at the counter.<br /><br />The Dudes recommendation... In The Dudes professional opinion, I don't feel there is much to worry about. He's only 16 so he probably just wants to feel down there every once-in-awhile to assure that his testicles have indeed descended. I doubt you have much to fear in the STD category. He's not of legal age, therefore it would be a virtual impossibility for him to have entered a strip club and left with a dancer (which is the cause of all The Dudes trips to the clinic).<br /><br />Hope this helps you loyal blog reader. Continue reading, and don't forget to comment.<br /><br />If you have a question for The Dude you can post it as a comment and if it interests me enough, it may be posted on "The Man Blog" so that everyone may benefit from The Dudes advice.<br /><br />--The Dude--</div>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-76081916103938496272007-06-18T14:57:00.000-07:002007-06-18T23:20:45.162-07:00Cyber-Sex Gone WrongI found this somewhere... quite romantic!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 286px; height: 239px;" src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/cybersex_spoof.gif" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweethear</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">t</span>: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweethear</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">t</span>: I want you.Would you like to screw me?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: OK<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm moaning softly.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'll pay for it.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: What?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm so sorry. Really.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: What's the matter?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Are you OK?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Can I help?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Come back to me, lover.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm washing the cup now.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm on the bed arching for you.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I found it.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: Me too.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Why don't you take off your glasses?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Hurry back, lover.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: What's the matter now?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Mmm, yes. Come on.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm flaccid.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: What?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">Wellhung</span>: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);">Sweetheart</span>: Idiot<br /><br />--The Dude-- <logged off=""></logged>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-12145988734463872832007-06-17T23:04:00.000-07:002007-06-18T01:52:39.141-07:00Never Mow the Grass Again!This one definitely gets filed in the "man-ventions" category...<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gadgets-reviews.com/index.php?page=post&id=374" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/gadget-auto-mower.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Click the pic for the complete story<br /><br /><br /></span></div>By the way, just to clarify before I start getting threatening emails... a "man-vention" isn't necessarily invented by a man, it is just something that "The Dude" spots that can make a mans life easier. So if a man-vention is mentioned in myblog and it was actually invented by a<br /><div style="text-align: left;">bleeder (read : woman) then don't threaten to burn my house down.<br /><br />Anyways, back to the story... This handy little gadget can cut the grass all by itself. The mower itself is a gas powered, econo-safe (read : tree-hugger) thing of beauty. It recharges itself at a special spot in your lawn, and then gets to work. It's engine is less noisy than a traditional mower so you can relax while it does all the work.<br /><br />Now, if only we could get items that are this innovative for other walks of life.<br /><br />What would you ask for if scientists could invent anything to make your life easier?<br /><br />--The Dude--</div>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-68597406930311657712007-06-17T03:00:00.000-07:002007-06-17T04:03:08.791-07:00Dead F*ckWow, this story is utterly amazing. <a href="http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=242646">READ HERE</a><br /><br />A man in Seattle spent all night smoking reefer and having some in-and-out time with a prostitute, goes to 7-Eleven for some beer, and returns to find her dead.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img style="width: 280px; height: 210px;" src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/bathtub-733348.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />So, instead of calling the police, this guy decides it's wise to keep her in his bath tub for 3 days while he figures out what to do. He ends up calling police to report her death, but not before digging a hole in his back yard to bury her.<br /><br />All in all, I must say, this is still better than a lot of the dates The Dude has been on.<br /><br />--The Dude--The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-29399467858112353022007-06-16T21:42:00.000-07:002007-06-17T03:45:53.378-07:00A Lesson in Facial Recognition from The Dude<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_1.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. CONTEMPT<br /></span>brow and upper lip lifted<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">How to cause this:</span><br />It doesn't take much. Wipe your mouth on your shirt, that should do it.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_2.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. CONTROLLED ANGER</span><br />tightly shut lips, flared nostrils, eyes squinting slightly<br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">How to cause this:</span><br />Let her find photos of you and your ex girlfriend. If this doesn't work, tell her about the time you got drunk and pissed in her closet.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_3.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. FEAR:</span><br />eyes open wide, eyebrows slightly raised, corners of the mouth<br />are pointing slightly downward<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Pick up the phone and say "Hey Diablo, I heard you were getting out in a couple months... Of course you can come stay with us"<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_4.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. SARCASTIC SMILE:</span><br />mouth half-open, eyes slightly squinting<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />"I'm going to the library"<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_5.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. OBLIGATORY SMILE:</span><br />mouth corners are pointed in different<br />directions, lopsided smile<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Have your mom over for dinner<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_6.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6. DERISION:</span><br />lips shut, eyes squinting<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Tell her that there is no point in staying in that cute bed and breakfast<br />when Joe's Budget Inn is 80 bucks cheaper<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_7.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7. ASKING NICELY</span><br />lifted eyebrows, trembling chin<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Promise to do something, then change your mind.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_8.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8. PLEADING</span><br />wrinkled forehead, lips slightly open,<br />eyes wet<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Promise the same thing... then change your mind<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_9.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">9. BAFFLED ANGER</span><br />one eye squinted, jaw forward<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Tell her that you and your new secretary have a lot in common. And she used to<br />work at Hooters!<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_10.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">10. CONFUSION</span><br />eyes wide open, mouth slightly open<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Tell her that you bought her a car, it's a stick shift (manual transmission)<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_11.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">11. DEEP HATRED</span><br />face muscles frozen<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />Tell her "No of course you don't look fat in that dress, but you <span style="font-style: italic;">COULD</span> stand to lose a few pounds"<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/female_faces_12.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">12. HUMBLE SUBMISSION</span><br />mouth closed, one eyebrow slightly raised<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">How to cause this:</span><br />As yet unknown, but comment if you think you know<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">--The Dude--<br /></div><br /><br /></div>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-52222870907026274982007-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:002007-06-16T21:24:18.867-07:00I just dont knowIs this surprisingly disturbing, yet arousing at the same time to anyone else?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/lettuceanyone.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />My idea is this... I think that we need a man comic book featuring this bleeder (read: female) and her buddies the ketchup and mustard twins, and trusty onion girl. They can ride around in the pickle wagon and save bbq's everywhere.<br /><br />Superman, eat your heart out!<br /><br />--The Dude--<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /></a>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-40456038097544118262007-06-15T02:55:00.000-07:002007-06-15T03:15:33.151-07:00I would like to shake this guys hand...<h4>GROOMSMAN DECIDES FOOTBALL TRUMPS WEDDING REHEARSAL</h4><br /> DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are being married in September. Last December I asked a longtime friend, "Mitch," to be a groomsman. We have been close ever since we met in middle school 20 years ago. Mitch and I were still close until about three years ago, when he married and moved out of state. (I was in his wedding party and attended his rehearsal dinner.)<p> Last week, Mitch informed me that he won't be attending our rehearsal dinner because he will be attending another event that same evening. He will be coming in from out of state and plans to go to his nephew's football game instead. He said he doesn't feel it's necessary to be at the rehearsal since he has "done it before and knows what to do."</p><p> I do not feel that Mitch has taken into account the fact that it is not just the formality of rehearsing, but that his presence means as much to me as his being at the wedding. He said he will be glad to step aside if this is not acceptable, but this creates problems, as I do not have anyone else to ask, other than someone I have no history with. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than necessary? -- HURT IN LEANDER, TEXAS</p><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/da_biopic.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><p>DEAR HURT: I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Part of being a member of a wedding party is to support your friend in any way you can -- and that includes showing up for celebrations and preparations. </p><p> It should be clear to you by now that Mitch no longer feels as close to you as he did before he moved out of state and on with his life. If you want him to be a groomsman because he symbolizes a period of your life, let him show up for the ceremony and stand up with you. However, had this happened to me, I would invite someone else to take his place. Mitch has demonstrated what his priorities are, and they are not those of a close friend.</p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />I would like to hereby nominate the following as man-law #18<br /><br />Men will be given the choice to attend non-important events. Including, but not limited to; birthday parties, anniversary dinners, birth of children, the wedding rehearsal, and hell... why not... the wedding itself<br /><br />IF<br /><br />and only if...<br /><br />The event is trumped in importance by such events as natural disaster, flat tire, gas, yard work, "the game", or a Clint Eastwood movie.<br /><br />All in favor utter the words "Here, Here"The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-23649952675705267492007-06-14T02:45:00.000-07:002007-06-14T02:56:32.852-07:00Men-ventionsMy hats off to the kid at Duke University (I guess they are capable of more than blowing it in the NCAA Mens Basketball Tourney) who invented the <a href="http://www.duke.edu/%7Ejwc13/beerlauncher.html">beer launching fridge</a>. Check out the video <a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/445498/robotic_beer_launching_refrigerator/">HERE</a>.<br /><br />I'm happy to know that whoever is covering the tab of his tuition realizes that this guy isn't wasting his time with biochemistry, or female studies. <br /><br />This is what college is all about!<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/bl1.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br />Check that puppy out. It wont be long until women are obsolete. Sex dolls are getting more and more advanced, fridges are launching beer, and you can't go wrong eating McFatty's for 3 squares a day.<br /><br />Now if we could only find someone to bitch and moan about taking out the trash and how they feel that "honesty" and "communication" are the two most important things in a relationship. I would have opted for "sports" and "beer" but hey, I can't always be right.....<br /><br />Or can I?<br /><br />-The DudeThe Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-36712770949854829062007-06-13T03:05:00.000-07:002007-06-13T03:09:01.502-07:00Man Laws<b><u>Rules for Men </u></b><br /><br />1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.<br /><br />2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.<br /><br />3. It is okay for a man to cry under the following circumstances: <br />a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. <br />b. After wrecking his boss' Ferrari. <br />c. When his date is using her teeth.<br /><br />4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.<br /><br />6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is five minutes. Maximum waiting time is six minutes<br /><br />7. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.<br /><br />8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)<br /><br />9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.<br /><br />10. It is permissible to have a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.<br /><br />11. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.<br /><br />12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem -- you didn't see nothin'.<br /><br />13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.<br /><br />14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.<br /><br />15. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.<br /><br />16. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: <br />a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! <br />b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! <br />c. Another set and we can hit the showers! <br />d. Nice butt. Are you a Sagittarius?<br /><br />17. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-76234444268951207802007-06-10T22:44:00.001-07:002007-06-11T23:29:54.955-07:00How Men & Women Shower<p><b>How To Shower Like a Woman</b></p> <ol><li>Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according<br /> to lights and darks. </li><li>Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. </li><li>Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. </li><li>Get in the shower. </li><li>Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. </li><li>Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. </li><li>Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. </li><li>Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. </li><li>Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. </li><li>Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. </li><li>Rinse conditioner off hair. </li><li>Shave armpits and legs. </li><li>Turn off shower. </li><li>Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. </li><li>Spray mold spots with Tilex. </li><li>Get out of shower. </li><li>Dry with towel the size of a small country. </li><li>Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. </li><li>Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. </li><li>If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.</li></ol><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/70799252_548b9dd4dd_o.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /> <p><b>How To Shower Like a Man</b></p> <ol><li>Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.<br /> </li><li>Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.<br /> </li><li>Look at your manly physique in the mirror.<br /> </li><li>Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.<br /> </li><li>Get in the shower. </li><li>Wash your face. </li><li>Wash your armpits.<br /> </li><li>Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.<br /> </li><li>Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.<br /> </li><li>Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.<br /> </li><li>Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.<br /> </li><li>Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. </li><li>Pee.<br /> </li><li>Rinse off and get out of shower.<br /> </li><li>Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.<br /> </li><li>Admire wiener size in mirror again.<br /> </li><li>Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. </li><li>Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.<br /> </li><li>Throw wet towel on bed.</li></ol> If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-26140043829779424642007-06-10T22:41:00.000-07:002007-06-10T22:55:58.804-07:00Women Only Parking Lot<p>With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America. </p> <p>Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.</p><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/Mall.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a></div>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-28642620163918839742007-06-10T00:27:00.001-07:002007-06-10T01:00:34.433-07:00Education at its finestSo I just so happen to "Stumble Upon" this today. <a href="http://www.thestar.com/News/article/223488">Read Here</a><br /><br />It talks about the educational system today, and administrators not wanting to fail students.<br /><br />I believe Carlos Mencia says it best...<br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BtLcUUjDnK8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BtLcUUjDnK8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />If these kids are half retarded and still graduate. Who is going to wipe our ass when we get older? On the plus side, they could always be president. I hear it doesn't take much.<span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6333904541635367479.post-47151915736573196692007-06-09T23:55:00.002-07:002007-06-15T13:04:52.993-07:00We Salute You Henry EarlFor those of you who haven't been blessed enough to hear the legend of Henry Earl...<br /><br />Henry Earl is labeled "The Drinkinest Nigga In Kentucky". He has over 500 arrest for alcohol related incidents. He is best summed up in one word... HERO<br /><br />For those of you that want to learn more about Henry, or to buy him a drink via donation...<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">JUST CLICK HENRY<br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://henryearl.messedup.net/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/cause_4concern/main_01.jpg" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">The Tonight Show has been trying to interview Henry, but I guess he is way to busy... which should be expected from a homeless and unemployed guy. I'm sure he was just out looking for work, or some change to buy a bottle of Hennessy.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></span></div></div>The Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00557624256436682357noreply@blogger.com1