Man Laws

Rules for Men

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is okay for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
b. After wrecking his boss' Ferrari.
c. When his date is using her teeth.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is five minutes. Maximum waiting time is six minutes

7. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. It is permissible to have a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.

11. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem -- you didn't see nothin'.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

15. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

16. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice butt. Are you a Sagittarius?

17. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.