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Because I'm A Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or baseball, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

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Because I'm a man, I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like, what's the connection?

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 21st century, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FOR WOMEN, TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE MALE ANIMAL.

The Man Blog says... Let this company pay you for placing links on your site

--The Dude--

If Only He Could Have Got Away With This

A man recently decided to be brilliant. Not unlike some of the greatest financial minds of all times, Warren Buffet, Donald Trump, Robert Kiyosaki, and The Dude, this guy decides it is time to take control of his spending.

Chandon L. Simms, 23 decided that $984 was waaaaaaay too much to pay for a plasma tv at his local Walmart. So instead, he got brilliant. He switched the tag from another product and proceeded to the self-checkout aisle. After paying $4.84 for the tv, he was stopped at the door by Walmart Loss Prevention a.k.a. "top flight security uh da world craig (send me a comment if you know where that movie quote came from, props if you get it).

After being stopped, the man shows them a receipt for $4.88 and is quickly arrested for felony theft.

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After being arrested, Simms, was given a brutal cavity search to see if he managed to steal that HD-DVD player he's been wanting. Top flight security found nothing and Simms was quickly beheaded and then disposed of in the toy aisle.

Read the article HERE

--The Dude--

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Readers... Help Out!!!

The Man Blog has entered a contest at blog competition

For all you loyal readers out there, stop by and give The Man Blog a vote or 23. You can vote for The Man Blog by clicking this button...
Comment My Blog To Wealth
You vote by leaving a comment at the bottom of the page, the more comments, the more votes... Vote away!

So make sure and show your support for all things man by voting for The Dude, and The Man Blog. Thanks for your support!

--The Dude--

Man-ventions

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This one is definitely a man-vention. These little beauties hang on the wall in your shower. Fill them up with a little shampoo, conditioner, or your favorite brew and give them a little squeeze.
If only girlfriends were this giving! I know I would be a lot happier with that morning shower having these puppies...

Please don't use this Man-vention with THIS... You may die!

You can purchase these HERE

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--The Dude--

The Dude says... Let these guys find advertisers for your site! A++

Don't forget to drop in and say hello. The Man Blog appreciates your comments... positive or negative!!!

Reader Mail with The Dude

Alright, so I opened the floodgates. I asked people for questions, and man have they delivered. I figure it is time to answer a few questions I received via email. And if you have a question for The Man Blog or The Dude you can send it to themanblog@hotmail.com

Dude, how awesome are you?
Pretty freaking awesome. On a scale of 1 to 1,124,304 I'm... I'm.... somewhere in between those numbers *scratches head in confusion*. No matter how hard I try though, I'll never be as awesome as THIS GUY. His offspring will be pretty awesome too, you can find him HERE.

Dude, what made you create "The Man Blog"?
Well one day I was taking a shower, out of my anus comes this noise that sounded kind of like the T-Rex scene in Jurassic Park. It was so loud and forceful that it actually broke my bathroom mirror and cracked every pipe in our plumbing system. After cursing myself for the destruction, I laughed... and then did it again. So farting in the shower, it seems, would be something only a man would find humorous. So it became my goal to find other things that you would only catch a man doing, or just things that men would think are funny.

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Do you think you offend female readers?
Of course! But the ones with a good sense of humor keep coming back for more. My bleeder readers are a little sadistic.

Why do you call females bleeders?
Did you fail 6th grade?

What would you do if you were hit on by a gay man?
I would do the same thing that I would do if a bleeder would hit on me (minus the crazy sex at the Best Western), I would allow them to buy me drinks all night, and then leave with their sister.

What is your drink of choice?
Straight gasoline... But with gas prices the way they are now, I prefer a scotch, or whiskey on the rocks. I also like to indulge in a good martini. I recommend that all you buy me a drink by hitting the "Buy The Dude a drink" button located to your right.

Are you married?
I'm not married. I do have a live-in girlfriend that hates me though! Well hate is a strong word... How about despises me with intent to injure? Alright, so she doesn't hate me (I might be telling the truth about the intent to injure part though).
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Where do you find your conent?
90% of it comes straight from the mind of The Dude, another 5% off the internet, and the other 5% just showed up one day and won't leave. Make it leave!

What super power would you give yourself and why?
Well, The Dude already has super powers. My tears cure cancer, not unlike Chuck Norris's, it's just to bad that The Dude doesn't cry. I have also been recruited by this one gang because of my skills with the bo staff. Sometimes I punch babies too. This has no bearing on the question, nor does it provide you with an answer... but it does show how hardcore I am.
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That's it for now, keep the questions coming. I'll answer all of them that don't suck. And if I didn't answer your question... Try harder next time!

Oh, and all of you that haven't. You should link to the Man Blog on your site or blog! Help spread the man-love (uhh?) yeah.

--The Dude--

The Man Blog recommends...

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The Perfect Day

Sell Links To Your Blog! Sign up here for free --The Man Blog--

-FOR A WOMAN-
8:15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 - Weigh 5lbs less than yesterday

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8:45 - Breakfast in bed... fresh squeezed orange juice, and strawberries with a bagel
9:15 - Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 - Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out
12:00 - Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe
12:45 - Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs
1:00 - Shopping with friends
3:00 - Nap
4:00 - A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer
4:15 - Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
5:30 - Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror
7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
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10:00 - Hot shower. Alone
10:30 - Make love
11:00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 - Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

-FOR A MAN-
6:00 - Alarm
6:15 - Blowjob
6:30 - Massive dump while reading the sports section
7:00 - Breakfast - fillet mignon, eggs, toast, and coffee
7:30 - Limo arrives
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7:45 - Vodka tonic on the way to the airport
8:15 - Private jet to Augusta, Georgia
9:30 - Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
9:45 - Play front 9 at Augusta, finish 2 under par
11:45 - 2 Dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
12:15 - Blowjob
12:30 - Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par
2:15 - Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis
2:30 - Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap
3:15 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew
4:30 - Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs
5:00 - Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Scarlett Johannson
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7:00 - Watch CNN Newsflash. Bush resigns
7:30 - Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York steak.
9:00 - Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar
10:00 - Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs
11:00 - Massage and Jacuzzi
11:45 - Go to bed
11:50 - Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room
11:55 - Laugh yourself to sleep

Anything you would add to this list? Lemme know in comment form! Also, anyone that has linked to my site, lemme know so I can return the favor!

--The Dude--