I would like to shake this guys hand...

GROOMSMAN DECIDES FOOTBALL TRUMPS WEDDING REHEARSAL

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are being married in September. Last December I asked a longtime friend, "Mitch," to be a groomsman. We have been close ever since we met in middle school 20 years ago. Mitch and I were still close until about three years ago, when he married and moved out of state. (I was in his wedding party and attended his rehearsal dinner.)

Last week, Mitch informed me that he won't be attending our rehearsal dinner because he will be attending another event that same evening. He will be coming in from out of state and plans to go to his nephew's football game instead. He said he doesn't feel it's necessary to be at the rehearsal since he has "done it before and knows what to do."

I do not feel that Mitch has taken into account the fact that it is not just the formality of rehearsing, but that his presence means as much to me as his being at the wedding. He said he will be glad to step aside if this is not acceptable, but this creates problems, as I do not have anyone else to ask, other than someone I have no history with. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than necessary? -- HURT IN LEANDER, TEXAS

DEAR HURT: I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Part of being a member of a wedding party is to support your friend in any way you can -- and that includes showing up for celebrations and preparations.

It should be clear to you by now that Mitch no longer feels as close to you as he did before he moved out of state and on with his life. If you want him to be a groomsman because he symbolizes a period of your life, let him show up for the ceremony and stand up with you. However, had this happened to me, I would invite someone else to take his place. Mitch has demonstrated what his priorities are, and they are not those of a close friend.

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I would like to hereby nominate the following as man-law #18

Men will be given the choice to attend non-important events. Including, but not limited to; birthday parties, anniversary dinners, birth of children, the wedding rehearsal, and hell... why not... the wedding itself

IF

and only if...

The event is trumped in importance by such events as natural disaster, flat tire, gas, yard work, "the game", or a Clint Eastwood movie.

All in favor utter the words "Here, Here"

Man Laws

Rules for Men

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is okay for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
b. After wrecking his boss' Ferrari.
c. When his date is using her teeth.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is five minutes. Maximum waiting time is six minutes

7. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. It is permissible to have a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.

11. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem -- you didn't see nothin'.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

15. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

16. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice butt. Are you a Sagittarius?

17. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.