Reader Mail

This is a question that The Dude received from a reader. The Dude is a very knowledgeable blogger and decided that everyone could benefit from his advice...

So, Dude, I wanted to ask your professional opinion about something. My sister has our 16 y/o (eek!) nephew staying over for the summer and WE ALL have noticed that he is constantly grabbing his junk bag when he's talking. I mean, I grew up around a lot of brothers and I don’t EVER remember any of them doing that!! It's a private joke between us girlies that he's suffering from "Itchy Ballyitis"...My question is, should anyone approach him about this? It's so not cool!! I told my sister to give him a pamphlet on male STD's from the local Planned Parenthood ['cause you never know] but she thinks that would be f-ed up. Opinion? I'm laughing again...its just SOOO unbecoming!!

--Somegirl--

Well Somegirl,
You being a bleeder and all, I wouldn't expect you to understand the age old tradition of checking the baggage. This is a rite that has been passed from father to son since way before biblical times.

Now for some history. Itchacus Scratchacus was the first recorded ball massager. He was known for constantly having his hand down his pants. Someone finally suggested to Itchacus that his wife Ho-Rae-Me had been sleeping around on him with his cousin Longschlong. So it appears that this scenario of itchy ballytis (good diagnosis by the way) was caused by infidelity, and therefore will be linked to VD.

However, not all cases are the same as Itchacus's. Jock itch could be a possible cause. Try some medicated powder. For laughs, make him buy it at the first Walgreens that has a hot girl around his age at the counter.

The Dudes recommendation... In The Dudes professional opinion, I don't feel there is much to worry about. He's only 16 so he probably just wants to feel down there every once-in-awhile to assure that his testicles have indeed descended. I doubt you have much to fear in the STD category. He's not of legal age, therefore it would be a virtual impossibility for him to have entered a strip club and left with a dancer (which is the cause of all The Dudes trips to the clinic).

Hope this helps you loyal blog reader. Continue reading, and don't forget to comment.

If you have a question for The Dude you can post it as a comment and if it interests me enough, it may be posted on "The Man Blog" so that everyone may benefit from The Dudes advice.

--The Dude--

Q&A

Advice from "The Dude"

There are many questions that women ask as to what to do for a man. The male population has come up with a list of answers to frequently asked questions. This may prove helpful to the woman who may be in the dark regarding her mate.

Question: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me. What do I do?

Answer: Obviously, your husband can not get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roomates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure, then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Question: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. What do I do?

Answer: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away a day or two (it's a great time to clean up the house, too!). Just look how emotional and happy he is when he returns to a stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Question: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

Answer: Your clitoris is no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to video tape yourself while doing this and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.

Question: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

Answer: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests of foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.