Conversation With A Telemarketer
So this seemingly sweet girl with a southern accent called the home phone today to try and get me to switch to a VOIP phone system.
TELEMARKETER: Well hello sir, this is Angie calling from Charter Communications to see if you have heard about our new VOIP phone service.
THE DUDE: (already knowing the answer) What exactly is VOIP phone service?
TELEMARKETER: Well sir, VOIP stands for voice over IP and....
THE DUDE: What exactly is IP?
TELEMARKETER: Well sir, IP stands for internet protocol
THE DUDE: Whoa, whoa... what'd you call me?
TELEMARKETER: I said internet protocol sir
THE DUDE: I thought for sure that you were calling me fat and bald
TELEMARKETER: No sir, I can assure you that I said internet protocol
THE DUDE: Protocol huh? Well let me tell you something about protocol little lady... The last time that I followed protocol I got shot in an attempted robbery. I was a security guard for 25 years (I'm only 25 years old) at Cinnamons Massage Parlor
TELEMARKETER: That's terrible... allow me to tell you more about...
THE DUDE: It was terrible. My wife left me for a guy that had both of his legs, wasn't in a wheelchair, and still had a functioning penis.
TELEMARKETER: My, my
THE DUDE: And the worst part is after the divorce she left me with this half-retarded dog that does nothing but lick himself, and shit... and then eats his own shit... and then vomits and I have to clean up the mess of shit-vomit or is it vomit-shit?
TELEMARKETER: Well sir, getting back to the phone service
THE DUDE: Ahh the service. Those were the good days, I had just met my Anne Marie. She was as beatiful as a Thai sunrise after a long night of drinking cheap whiskey and getting serviced by underage Thai girls...
TELEMARKETER: CLICK
THE DUDE: Hello? Hello?
I guess she had already met her quota for the month...
--The Dude--
p.s.- Drop by the comment section and send me a hello, a good or a bad comment, or some advice for what to write about next... Don't forget, The Dude will also answer questions if you need advice on a subject. --The Man Blog--
Did you know that companies will compete to buy links on your site? Click here... --The Dude--
29 comments:
Oh...My...God....I will never stop laughing. That is BRILLIANT!
Oh and P.S.
Charter Communications Sucks. Worst service ever. You made a wise choice.
An absolute "belter" of a Blog. We should all aspire to have such funny and politacally incorrect posts lol.
Keep up the good work.
P.s - Im newish to blogging. How the hell do I edit my header to allow a picture to the left of my text?? Come on expert. Cheers
I loved it..that is so great. I bet they added you to the "Do Not Call List" themselves.
HI keep it up. Maybe people are laughing too loud to have the co ordination to leave a comment. Does that mean I didn't laugh. NO Way. Keep at it the world needs you.
heehehee that's great. I just interrupt them to say "I'm not interested" and hang up before they can protest :p your way is much more fun!
Ahhh, Dude, alas I see that we are more similar than previously thought---I do the same thing with telemarketers!! It's the best. When I'm not in the mood I just say "Yeah, hmmm, yeah, ok." And then just when they ask for a credit card I say "my mommy isn't home right now, and she took her purse with her." They get so pissed!!
PS> I see 'traffic' is picking up!! YEAH!!
Topic Idea: How THE DUDE would react to a gay man hitting on him?!?!? (I was at a club once, and my friends boyfriend got hit on by a gay man. It was the funniest shit ever!!)
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